Shadowlands
"The realm of perpetual stick chasing and other-dog-butt-sniffing. I figure that's the most any of us can hope for."
dem-
My sweet baby girl Spinner died today, October 15, 1999. She was eight years and almost four months old.
Homebuilt Spinner [AKC WP377281/11] was born on June 22, 1991. I took her home nine weeks later from her breeder, Rick Sanders of Sanders' K-9 Training of Castro Valley, California. The same day I took her for her first visit with her veterinarian, Dr. Wendy Wallace. Spinner had a bond with Dr. Wallace for her whole life.
| "We can't have the happiness of yesterday without the
pain of today. That's the deal." Shadowlands
"The realm of perpetual stick chasing and other-dog-butt-sniffing. I figure that's the most any of us can hope for." dem- |
|
Spinner was blessed with good health for her first seven years. But in August, 1998, she started limping on her right front leg. When it comes to my dogs, I'm a hypochondriac. I took her in to see Dr. Wallace right away.
This was just two weeks after I saw my friend Irv play the part of C.S. Lewis in a Berkeley Actors' Ensemble production of Shadowlands. In that play, Joy Gresham, Lewis's wife, was stricken with bone cancer.
As Dr. Wallace was showing me the X-ray of Spinner's leg, I was scanning for a fracture. Dr. Wallace was pointing out a dark area of the bone. I said, "I don't see a fracture. Please don't tell me it's bone cancer." Dr. Wallace nodded sadly.
Spinner needed to have her leg amputated very soon. That happened on Wednesday, September 2, 1998.
Even with the amputation, Dr. Wallace said Spinner's odds for survival were very slim -- four months at most if we did no chemotherapy. Perhaps six to eight months with chemo with a slightly better chance for long term survival. I spent the money and gave Spinner the chemotherapy.
In August, 1999, Spinner went to her oncologist to get a one year checkup. It was a miracle! Spinner's X-ray showed no sign of any cancer. I was convinced that Spinner would beat it.
Just a little more than a month later I took Spinner to Dr. Wallace because she was a little bit lethargic and out of sorts. Dr. Wallace identified an area of Spinner's back where there was pain, so she shot a few X-rays. It wasn't good news, but it wasn't devastating, either. It looked like she had osteo myelitis, a bone infection, in her spine. The prognosis was that Spinner would probably have to take antibiotics for the rest of her life. Since there was also some Degenerative Joint Disease, common in older dogs, we decided to put Spinner on Rimadyl as well.
The next day, Spinner was years younger. She ran and jumped and played like she was a puppy again.
Last Friday, October 8, 1999, as I was getting ready to take my little girl back to Dr. Wallace for a checkup, I noticed that Spinner was walking funny -- swaggering a little bit, as if she were drunk. This was really odd. She was able to get out to my truck on her own, but I had to lift her onto her seat. When we got to the doctor's office, Spinner could not walk at all. I had to carry her in. She was in pain, and her legs could not bear weight, but she had control over them.
Over the weekend, Spinner's pain in her legs turned into paralysis. On Sunday morning, I took her in to an emergency animal hospital in San Leandro. I'll never take her there again, but that's a story for another page.
By Monday, I was really worried that Spinner would never regain the use of her legs. She spent that day in the hospital at Dr. Wallace's office, but she came home that night. On Wednesday she had an appointment with Dr. Wallace and her colleague, Dr. Julie Cummings. All of us were concerned about the lack of improvement. Dr. Cummings noticed areas where Spinner's condition had worsened. It did not look good.
Dr. Wallace and I had a private conversation about Spinner's chances for recovery. I knew that I couldn't let Spinner continue to suffer the way she was suffering. But I did not want to put her down if there was still a chance that she would walk again. Dr. Wallace confessed that she suspects that Spinner's problem is not a normal occurrence with osteo myelitis, even in that part of the spine. She believed something else was going on, and that it was likely an osteo sarcoma (bone cancer) tumor growing in Spinner's spinal cord -- something that would not appear on X-rays. As much as I hated to hear it, that made perfect sense. The trauma to Spinner's spine was much more dramatic than the bone infection should have caused two weeks into antibiotic treatment. We agreed that if Spinner did not show miraculous progress by Friday, I could not allow her to keep suffering. Actually Dr. Wallace never suggested it. I knew what I had to do.
For the past week, all Spinner could do was lie on her side. The only way she could move anywhere was to have me carry her, and she didn't like that.
Last night I slept in the Family Room on the couch so I could be next to Spinner the whole night. This morning I carried her outside so she could enjoy lying in the sun which she loves. I fed her canned dog food for the first time ever. I warmed it in the microwave oven, and it looked and smelled delicious. Spinner devoured it and wanted more. I resisted the temptation to overfeed her, but I was glad she enjoyed her last meal. Then I tossed the ball to her over and over so she could catch it. That was always a good time for her
My friend Dorothy went with me when I took Spinner to Dr. Wallace's office. Spinner sat in the front seat, and Do was in the "Extra Cab" area of the truck. Spinner's head was on my right leg, and I rubbed her neck and back with my right hand as I was driving.
Dan, Spinner's favorite veterinary tech, helped me get Spinner set up in an exam room. The super staff at Four Seasons Animal Hospital took care to make sure no one else would be in the clinic during this time. Everyone at Four Seasons knew and loved Spinner for years, and Spinner always lit up when she came in to see Dr. Wallace because everyone treated her like a queen. Dan was always really great with Spinner, so I asked him to be there to help us.
Dorothy, Dan, and I kept Spinner happy while we were waiting for Dr. Wallace to finish some surgery in the back room. We gave her lots of treats and kisses. When Dr. Wallace arrived, she did a neurological exam in case the miracle had come. Alas, no.
Dan and Do stayed back so I could kneel and stay right by my little girl. I wanted the last thing Spinner would see to be my face and the last thing she would hear to be my voice telling her how much I loved her and what a good girl she was. As Dr. Wallace injected Spinner, my words to her came naturally because I always said the same things to her each night: "I love my sweet baby girl, yes I do. You're such a good girl, Spinner, yes you are."
I knew the moment the spirit left Spinner. Her eyes that had been looking right at me continued looking at me, but they seemed distant. Then her head drooped. Her breathing slowed, then stopped. And my sweet baby girl was gone.
Do and I drove Spinner to Castro Valley where she was cremated. She rode in the front seat again with her head on my leg and my hand rubbing her neck, just like before.